The “Art of Conversation” is the first installment of the series, “Etiquette Crossing.”

There is no doubt that a face-to-face conversation is the most effective way to communicate with one another. It is also a tricky one. There are many unspoken do’s and don’ts when it comes to casual conversation.

Recently, I was at an office dinner party with my boyfriend, making conversation with a myriad of people and I found myself wishing I had read up on conversational etiquette before I arrived. I was certain that I was breaking rules left and right, and found myself at a loss for words during lulls in conversation. If this sounds familiar, don’t fret. The art of conversation is easily mastered with some practice and prior knowledge, and I am here to help!

The best thing to remember in all of etiquette is that it all start with respect for the other person. The golden rule applies to all of these situations! So when you’re practicing good etiquette, be selfless.

This guide is not meant to make conversations seem stiff and surface level, but instead give you the tools to perfect the skill of talking to others. Almost every wonderful relationship begins with a conversation, so knowing what to say and what not to say can start you off on the right foot. Here are 10 Do’s and Don’ts of polite discussion that can make you a better conversationalist.

DO’S

Pay attention to the person you are engaged with | The best people to talk to are the ones who listen attentively! If you recall the best conversations you’ve ever had, they probably involved a listening ear. This is partly a physical task; Make eye contact with them when they speak, and give physical cues that you are listening. Smile and nod and interject with, “I agree!” or, “I see what you mean.” Make an effort to show them the utmost respect when they speak by giving them your full attention.

Ask the other person about themselves | As silly as it sounds, it pays off to come mentally prepared with a variety of topics to talk about. Sometimes you are being introduced to people that you know nothing about, and being aware of a variety of topics is your best bet for success. Ask questions about:

• Their family

• Local news

• Pop culture

• Their job

• Hobbies

• Education

• Mutual friends

• Sports

• TV shows/movies

• Plans for the weekend

• Travel

• Favorite food

Another nice way to begin a conversation is to find something to compliment about the person. If it is the host you are speaking to, comment on their lovely home or how good the food is. Complimenting the other person’s clothing or appearance is always a nice gesture that makes them feel warm and open towards you. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. So keep this in mind and ask questions about them.

* Never fake a compliment to someone; it is as easy to spot fake praise as it is to spot false eyelashes.

Think before you speak | Sometimes when engaged in conversation, it is easy to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. This is rarely a good idea. Often, this results in offense or confusion. Everyone may not understand your humor or sarcasm. The easiest and most effective way to combat this is to think before you speak. It may sound simple, but I’m sure you can think of a few people right now that do not follow this advice. One never wants to appear rude or ignorant in polite conversation, and words carry weight. So be careful to ask appropriate questions, and broach topics that are safe to discuss, like the ones mentioned above.

Introduce people | Just like conversation, there is a right and a wrong way to introduce people at a party. It is up to the mutual acquaintance to introduce strangers. The best way to do this is to introduce the lower ranking person to the higher ranking person. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Ranking people?! How cruel and demeaning!” But it is not as bad as it sounds! Higher ranking people are simply those who are older, more experienced or hosts of the get-together. So you would introduce your friend to your Grandmother and not the other way around. For example, “Grandma, this is my friend Joe!” Also, adding detail after the introduction is an especially clever way to help two people engage in conversation. For example, “Grandma, this is my friend Joe! He likes to garden too.” This is a tactful way to help them find common ground. Learning how to properly introduce people is important in conversation.

* I should note that customarily, the man is introduced to the woman out of respect, despite the above-mentioned rule, but especially in business, this custom is optional.

Be kind | Sometimes people give us information that is incorrect or disagreeable. Just because they are wrong or not skilled in conversation does not mean that we must correct them. In fact, it is a great sin in etiquette to correct someone else! So resist the urge to tell Uncle Joe that “funner” is not a word, and simply change the subject.

DON’TS

Do not interrupt or dominate the conversation | Even if the other person is dragging on or making little sense, you must let them finish what they’re saying, as it is the courteous thing to do. Interrupting another person is extremely rude and belittling. Assume people know something you do not. Likewise, have grace and let the other people have a turn to offer their opinion. Nobody likes to talk to people that won’t let them get a word in edgewise. If you see the person you are speaking to give off body language that they are no longer engaged, (crossing arms, switching weight, looking around, or backing away) pause and let them speak. A tactful way to pardon them (or yourself!) is to ask where the restroom is or to refresh your drink.

Do not discuss touchy subjects | Sometimes the waters are murky, and in this day and age, people bring up touchy subjects all the time. However, there are a few things that are not polite to discuss, at the risk offending others. Recall, ladies and gentlemen NEVER make others uncomfortable! Here are some conversational taboos to stay away from.

Never argue about political opinions unless the event is politically driven or involved, instead, try your best to talk about less sensitive subjects. Talking about Donald Trump’s successful or disastrous presidency, for example, is simply not polite. It used to be an absolute no-no to even discuss politics, but now it is generally acceptable. Just be sure not to fight about politics, but know that some lively discussion is okay. If it gets combative, change the subject. If that is not possible, excuse yourself and join a different conversation.

Never discuss money in any capacity. It is considered rude, low class, and horribly crass.  Asking how much something costs is impolite. Likewise, if someone asks you how much something of your's costs, feel free to claim that you do not remember, that it was a gift, or that you would rather not talk about it. For example, if tacky Martha asks how much that GORGEOUS sweater was that you’re wearing, you may say, “Gosh I can’t recall!” Remember that you are never obligated to discuss finances with someone, especially a poorly mannered stranger or acquaintance.

Steer clear of subjects that are coarse or vulgar | This includes health issues, sexual topics, and other indelicate affairs. These things should never be discussed in polite company, especially if there are children around, or if it is a family event. If you find yourself being subjected to such conversation, it is not rude to excuse yourself or change the topic. For example, if cousin Jed starts talking about how “women should stay in the kitchen where they belong,” you may say, “What a fascinating opinion Jed. Say, where is the bathroom?” You should never feel that you must endure uncomfortable or profane conversation in order to be polite.

* Cursing or swearing in polite conversation is seen as rude and tasteless. We all slip up sometimes, but if you wish to be polite and inoffensive then you should try and rid yourself of this bad habit immediately. Ladies and gentlemen simply do not swear.

Do not check your phone | The cell phone has its place in society, but checking the time or responding to a text while engaged in conversation or dinner is horribly rude. Try your best to resist the urge to Snapchat or Instagram while speaking with someone. You should not do so even if you are in a group of people or if you think nobody is looking. If there is an emergency or you need to answer a call then feel free to respond or take the call, but be sure to move somewhere private.

Do not appear disinterested | It isn’t called an art for nothing! To be polite, sometimes we must act like we are enthralled even, for example, while neighbor Joe drones on about all the features of his new car. Sure, you may not even know what a carburetor is, but smiling and nodding goes a long way. Don’t glance around the person or cross your arms, just excuse yourself if the conversation gets too excruciating.

Lastly, do not gossip | It is very tempting to gossip about people, especially if they are not in attendance, but it’s just wrong. If you avoid gossiping you will keep more friends and risk offending no one. Even if your coworker says, “I heard Jane got pregnant,” you are absolutely not permitted to comment. You should instead say, “Oh my.” or “How interesting.” and immediately change the subject or comment on something more neutral. If you are around people who gossip, take note, they are probably gossiping about you to someone else. It is a sign of poor manners, and courteous people will judge you for doing it, so mind your manners and refrain. A refined person will address issues with the person, and that person only. It will save a lot of trouble and help you maintain relationships, so take heed!

See, with a little guidance, conversation is not so daunting! So remember: make eye contact, smile and nod, ask them questions about themselves and come prepared with a few conversation starters, such as family or hobbies. With these tips, you will be able to hold a conversation with any person you come across. Remember, a good conversationalist is one that respects the person they are speaking to and listens to what they have to say.

Now that you know these foundational guidelines, go out and practice conversing with those around you. Good luck, ladies and gentlemen!